It’s the big white elephant during a face to face conversation with someone. That's how I've always felt whenever I would meet up with a friend or when I would see my photo tagged on social media.
I've had acne since I was 13. It was the type that had blemishes on the cheeks, white heads on my temples, and sometimes blackheads on my nose. My pimple (because it comes from my own body) would pop up during exam week, waking up at 7am after sleeping at 3am, after a delicious chocolate dessert or pizza galore, and in the morning when I was too lazy to wipe off the make-up from last night's festivities. Stubborn, I know. And stubborn pimples were the result.
I can't even post a picture on social media and say "Just woke up" or "#nomakeup" because reality is; I have never woken up with a face smooth enough to touch and nude enough to see. I also didn't feel confident enough to post my bare face.
Sometimes, my friends and family would be nice to give me their 'own' tips and advices on what I should do. "Put toothpaste to dry it up. Don't eat greasy food. Try this cream. It worked on my friend's daughter. Did you try ProActive? Maybe you're not using it right." I nod my head and accept it but I realized, "If it's that obvious to them, then it's obvious everywhere I go".
For the past 7 years, I have gone through all the acne "do's and don'ts" and the "buy and ditch" products. I bought a cleanser, toner, cream, bleaching cream, scrub, mask, acne sets, threw away my last prescription of Tretinoin cream, went to a facial spa and prepared myself for that excruciating 45 minute prick, diamond peel, applied a hot green tea bag to dry up my pimples, and the list goes on. Every time I did one of those regimens, I felt that I was one step closer to flawless skin. Luckily, I would be 3 steps forward to that flawless skin crown I wanted to attain. However, 2 weeks later, I am back to square one, crossing off another treatment that didn't work. I feel like I should get a trophy for failing so many times.
I have accepted that the skin on my face is sensitive, oily in the summer, dry in the winter, with patches of discoloration, scars on my temples and cheeks, and will always be prone to acne. I can read a million articles about ways to treat pimples and follow them but at the end of the day, one of those ways will fail.
I'm hoping that Banish will work. I know that it won't be to the extent of a baby's skin feel, but to the extent where I can post a beautiful photo on social media and say "Just woke up" and hashtag the company that helped me leave square one and move forward.